In “Anti-Halloween attacks are downright ghastly,” columnist Ellis Henican bemoans all the assaults on this “greatest kids’ holiday of the year.” Mr. Henican does list a surprising number of Halloween critics: “Fundamentalist Christians warn the celebration promotes devil worship. Prudes and feminists say the costumes have gotten too risqué. Civil-rights groups complain that too many Halloween ghosts resemble lynching victims. Even the witches feel aggrieved - and you probably thought Halloween was the witches' big night!” I was quite amused that those frightening “fundamentalist Christians” are no longer the only antagonists of Halloween as the ubiquitous political correctness continues to run amuck. Trick or treat!
What caught my attention, though, was Mr. Henican’s failure to include today’s primary criticism of Halloween celebration. With rising alarms over childhood obesity and diabetes, how can we possibly justify celebrating a holiday that has as its major component the doling out of mountains of candy to little trick or treaters? Certainly this is nothing short of child abuse perpetuated by big candy!
Since Mr. Henican missed this obvious worry (is he, perhaps, in league with big candy?), I offer my suggestions to rectify this critical concern. (1) Give only tofu bar and rice cake treats. (2) Give these treats only after the overweight little munchkins do wind sprints from door to door. (3) Implore the ACLU to bring a suit against big candy and adult co-conspirators who insist on perpetuating this form of child abuse. There has to be a Constitutional violation in here someplace.
Spooky, isn’t it?
What caught my attention, though, was Mr. Henican’s failure to include today’s primary criticism of Halloween celebration. With rising alarms over childhood obesity and diabetes, how can we possibly justify celebrating a holiday that has as its major component the doling out of mountains of candy to little trick or treaters? Certainly this is nothing short of child abuse perpetuated by big candy!
Since Mr. Henican missed this obvious worry (is he, perhaps, in league with big candy?), I offer my suggestions to rectify this critical concern. (1) Give only tofu bar and rice cake treats. (2) Give these treats only after the overweight little munchkins do wind sprints from door to door. (3) Implore the ACLU to bring a suit against big candy and adult co-conspirators who insist on perpetuating this form of child abuse. There has to be a Constitutional violation in here someplace.
Spooky, isn’t it?
3 comments:
Big Candy. I love it!
I got confused for a minute by "rice cake treats." I was thinking of Rice Krispies Treats. Not the same thing.
Great idea. Tofu and rice cakes, and soon the kids will stop trying to shake down your house for chocolate every year....
Skyepuppy, thanks so much for taking time to drop by. I appreciate it. How's things your way?
Chuck,
Since I'm on the road, "my way" is all over the place, but things are fine. My house back in California didn't burn (I'm in the low-rent district, which isn't out in the open spaces, so it's not in the same kind of fire danger as the rural people's houses).
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